I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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