We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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