I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
