Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
