i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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