remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
