new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
