If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
