I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
