At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
