i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
