what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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