guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
