Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
