I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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