Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
