I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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