either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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