He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
