In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
