No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
this is an emotional support booty call
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
