If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
