Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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