So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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