i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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