hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
