I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You did what with his pubic hair?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
