Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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