He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
