i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
