My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
