Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
