apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
