My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So apparently I’m into choking now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
