i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Randomize
