oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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