Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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