thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
