The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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