i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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