He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
