I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
