we have officially lost it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
