Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
