How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
