ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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