Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
