JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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