Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
