grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
