This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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