We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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