My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
